Henry Deeds: Hold on, people! Westminster Awards Dullard tries his hand at Sir Keir starrer comedy

Mr Keer Starrer full turn Rwanda Trading in PMQ tomorrow. Bottled it, screamed, fritted at the behest of Mrs. T. he didn’t ask a single question boris johnson About the government’s plan to deport illegal channel-hoppers to Africa: The plan was so blatantly scrapped by their Frappuccino-sipping friends in the legal industry.

Whisper it, but do we think money is falling in that voters actually support the move?

Instead, something deeply disturbing happened. Something so horrific that anyone who saw it could be damaged for life. Brace yourself, people. Keir Starmer started cracking jokes.

That’s right. The Awards Dullard of Westminster suddenly decided he was Mr. Showbiz.

Influenced by recent focus groups showing that most voters see him as a sea-going bore, the leader of the opposition turned to the wise-laden Commons designed to convince the public that He is a stand-up man.

Starmer is one of life’s details men. He loves to delve into the nitty-gritty. His currency is minutiae. But jokes? Its not his thing.

He picked his moment early, while he and Boris were going back and forth on the economy. Starmer claimed the UK was experiencing the slowest growth this year of every major country except Russia.

Instead Boris claimed that the International Monetary Fund was predicting that we would be the second fastest.

Lead the entertainer, swinging your cane and waving your straw boater. ‘He Thinks He Can Do Jedi Mind Tricks On The Country’ [by telling us] The economy is booming,’ roars Sir Keer. ‘The problem is, the Force isn’t with him yet. He thinks he is Obi-Wan Kenobi. The truth is, he’s Jabba the Hut!’

Now for those not familiar, these were references to the Star Wars franchise — those fantasy blockbusters played by geeky teens and young men living with their parents. The context felt completely out of place, though – weird and geeky. No wonder Ed Miliband was left in stitches.

In this Wilderness attempt, Boris looked blank. Not sure if he had any clue what Starr was about. Looking at his face, it seems that he must have spent more time in the sun on Monday. (He wasn’t alone. Labor deputy leader Angela Renner’s shoulders were pinker than strawberry lollipops.)

Prime Minister Boris Johnson is pictured sitting next to Home Secretary Priti Patel, Foreign Secretary Liz Truss and Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak at the weekly PMQ session in the House of Commons in London on 15 June.

But Keir wasn’t done with the thigh-slapping guys. ‘They say the economy is booming when it’s shrinking,’ he continued. ‘He’s playing the game so much he feels like he’s on Love Island!’

If it were a working men’s club, this kind of lame joke would be met with rocky silence followed by a wisp of tumbleweeds floating across the stage. But certainly being Commons, the Conservative bench erupted in derisive yes-boo.

The room, by the way, was loud. double emphasis. The Tory backbenchers had thrown themselves into a pre-lunch frenzy. Starr hates it when it happens. This cuts him off from his progress. At one point he went round the dispatch box for so long, Speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle interrupted: ‘I think we need to arrive at a question.’ Why the furious laughter?

His next attack line was to republish a document being circulated by Boris’ own lawmakers, which he described as the Tories’ answer to the prime minister, Jeremy Corbyn. ‘What are you?’ Confronted and countered that Starr had campaigned for the sedating old trot.

He said that Corbin was a ‘dynamic’ figure compared to Starrer. And with the evidence I saw yesterday, it was hard to disagree.