Until last night, the most nausea I’d experienced in my life was after eating a vegetarian sausage roll live on air, a reckless decision that immediately prompted me to throw it in a big bucket.
But that sickening ordeal turned into a vomit-inducing frivolity compared to a comic-worthy confrontation between two of the world’s most narcissistic, fake and disturbing female celebrities, Meghan Markle And Ellen Degeneres,
Watching them laugh and poop during their long cheese-fest, caressing each other’s egos and giving cash to charity, you’d think they’re the coolest, cutest human beings the world has ever had.
But it’s worth reminding ourselves that they’ve both been accused of being petty crooks who terrorize their employees when the cameras aren’t around.
Unsurprisingly, bullying in the workplace did not become a topic of discussion last night.
Nor does Princess Pinocchio trample on the royal family and the monarchy, institutions she detests, but milks like a greedy dairy farmer.
The worst thing happened when Ellen took Meghan in for her book-plugging supper in literally one of the most embarrassing stunts I’ve ever seen a royal perform on television.
Just when I thought things couldn’t happen anymore, she cried out: ‘Mom needs some milk!’ Before removing a baby’s bottle from your purse and before swallowing milk.
Or his dealings with his own family, almost all of whom he has rejected for constantly threatening him to climb the social and financial ladder.
Instead, viewers were treated to a repulsive exchange of fake-humbly Schmaltz designed to whip up copies of Miss Marley’s critically ridiculed, poorly-selling children’s book The Bench.
To help do that, she released new photos of her son Archie feeding chickens at his $14.7 million mansion in Santa Barbara and talked about her daughter Lilibet’s teething problems.
This may all come as a surprise to those who were duped into thinking Meghan left the UK, dragging her husband with her as she wanted privacy for her family from the British press of animals .
It turns out she didn’t want privacy at all, she just wanted to get away from anyone who might take a negative view of her incessant whining and hypocrisy.
And of course, she wanted to get away from taking on the often difficult and unexpected royal duties that go along with a title like the Duchess of Sussex.
The ‘Duchess of Sussex’, as she proudly calls herself on every occasion, played a prank on a trio of street vendors, executing a series of commands from Ellen through a secret microphone in her ear.
Now Meghan has the best of all worlds: She leverages her fancy royal name to make hundreds of millions of dollars, no work for the institution that gave her it, she’s free (in her head) Publicly abuse the royal family as a bunch of ruthless racists, and can live the life of a gloriously rich celebrity who gets on the couch of a TV chat show to promote her brand.
But at what cost does it all come at a cost to the royal family that she abandoned at the same toxic speed as her own father when she didn’t line up?
The worst thing about her Ellen appearance wasn’t even that she was going on the show, as her friend and neighbor’s show was canceled in the wake of horrific bullying allegations against the host and some of her executives.
It was bad, but then Ellen wasn’t a real ‘friend’ of Meghan compared to Oprah Winfrey. He is just another celebrity with the tools to amplify the Sussex celebrity brand.
No, the worst thing happened when Ellen literally danced Meghan to her book-plugging supper, in one of the most embarrassing stunts I’ve ever seen a royal act on television.
The ‘Duchess of Sussex’, as she proudly calls herself on every occasion, played a prank on a trio of street vendors, executing a series of commands from Ellen through a secret microphone in her ear.
Meghan touched her elbow, and her nose, did a squat, placed a large crystal on her head while she moaned and moaned, and jumped up and down with excitement at the sight of a hot sauce for sale, Because he said: ‘Let mother taste it! My boo loves hot sauce!’
Then he cut a sauce-coated chip ‘like a chipmunk’ as Ellen instructed him, before telling the salesman: ‘It’s not spicy! Let me try something real hot, mama need some heat! Be hot, be hot!’
By ordering Ellen to put another chip in her mouth, Meghan did so, and began fanning furiously across her face while shouting: ‘Lordy, Lordy, Lordy!’
Then she burst into tears. ‘I feel hot, hot, hot!’ as he danced around.
Just when I thought things couldn’t happen anymore, she cried out: ‘Mom needs some milk!’ Before removing a baby’s bottle from your purse and before swallowing milk.
The outrageous skit ended when Meghan asked another female salesperson if she’d like to hear a joke.
‘Why did the elephant put its trunk in the cookie jar?’ She said, then kept quiet and refused to reveal the punchline before laughing and saying to the astonished salesperson: ‘That’s weird, isn’t it?’
Well no, it was not like that.
None of this was even remotely funny.
It was all incredibly, soul-sucking excruciating.
In the final scene, Meghan wore a pair of kitten ears and burst into song again, dancing around in her ears, shouting: ‘I’m a kitten, meow meow.’
By this point I needed my sick bucket to go Eve, Eve, Eve.
Honestly, all of this really makes me want to vomit.
It’s a senior member of the British royal family whose husband Prince Harry, sixth in line to the throne, is behaving like a desperately desperate reality TV starlet.
Royals don’t do this kind of thing for very good reason.
The public expects them to behave in a royal manner, this is what mysticism protects the monarchy.
This may sound chronological to many Americans, but it works. The royals bring billions of pounds of tourism money to Britain and the Queen remains the world’s most respected head of state.
Just as Prince Andrew’s – far more serious – denial is doing enormous damage to that reputation, Meghan and Harry’s relentless self-promotion, royal-bashing actions are, in a very different way, constantly doing damage too. Huh.
Remove the mystery and the future of the monarchy itself may be in jeopardy, especially given that Her Majesty, now 95, has been in worryingly poor health recently.
This is why everything Meghan Markle and Harry rise to do matters and cannot be dismissed as unimportant.
As long as they are still the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, their behavior directly impacts the reputation of the royal family.
And just as Prince Andrew’s – far more serious – behavior of refusing to be interviewed by the FBI about his relationship with pedophile Jeffrey Epstein is doing enormous damage to that reputation, so is Meghan and Harry’s continued self-promotion, royal- Cursing actions are in, in a very different way, also constantly doing harm.
Last night’s Ellen debacle exposed Meghan Markle’s desire to be a working C-list reality TV celebrity, not a job-seeking A-list royal.
But even a Kardashian would have admitted that the street vendor stunts under them and damages the brand.
It was so childish and embarrassing.
It is completely unacceptable for a British royal to degrade themselves like this.
Not just because it made Meghan Markle ridiculous, but because it made the British monarchy ridiculous.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: to strip the Queen of her royal titles, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex before their brazen, greedy, money-grabbing campaign to escape their duty-free royal status Must, she destroys everything. Took a lot of effort to maintain.
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