Broadcaster Vanessa Feltz said emotionally, “I’m not going to let it defeat me”. announce its end 16 years of relationship. He’s perfect for seeking “fun and laughter” wherever and however he can. Because a breakup, while excruciatingly painful, can become our moment of greatest triumph.
Once the dust settles and the nagging stomach settles, isolation can provide an incredible opportunity for reflection, growth, and healing. We are our most authentic and vulnerable selves, full of renewed potential and strangely feverish energy. Once we harness this intensity and repurpose it as a force for good, we are liberated, free to write the next chapter of our lives.
Just look at actor and writer Rebecca Humphreys, who blew up Twitter with a quietly dignified statement Responding to her boyfriend Sean Walsh, caught on camera kissing him strictly Come Dancing partner. i am reading his memoir why did you stay This week, in preparation to interview him on my podcast. And I’m shocked by how often we live inside relationships We know you are not well now. We just stick around too long – because we’ve been socially conditioned to believe that a partnership should last forever; That we should celebrate anniversaries in an ascending order of gifts, from wood and paper to rubies, gold and diamonds.
I can’t possibly fully know what happened in Vanessa’s relationship. And I send them support and love during this difficult time. But I’m curious about how, before last year’s introduction of “no-fault divorce,” many people would cite this fornication as the “reason” for the separation. While many relationship therapists, researchers (and geeks like me who are fascinated by the psychological nuances and chess-like complexity of human connection would rather ask, “What is the cause of fornication?”)
One thing I do know is the two times I was cheated on I tried to leave the relationship before the affair even started. But I wasn’t brave enough to listen to the little voice inside me and the voices of friends who cared for me, telling me not to back down.
For all these reasons, I was surprised and dismayed to read the report of a study which says that unhappy weddings are better for your health than being single or divorced. what rubbish. when one The relationship has turned toxic, Where communication and trust have fatally broken down, our core sense of self has eroded. our sleep and hunger are interrupted. We get so busy pleasing our constantly unhappy partners that we forget to take care of ourselves. This is the reddest of all red flags. It is a time to let go, rebuild, and rediscover our agency and purpose.
Studies have found that people who have experienced a breakup report experiencing, on average, five different categories of positive personal growth, which they believe will improve the quality of their future relationships. Will happen. are among increased self confidence How to be a better partner and perhaps most importantly, how to choose a better partner. In this context, a breakup seems like an important life stage, a Take a brave (if tentative) step into our future.
Of course, sometimes there can be practical arguments for living together for the kids, for the dog, for the in-laws, for the community of friends who would hate to “do favors”, for the house, or for a more affluent lifestyle. Our finances are affected when we put an end to things. And yes, it can have an effect on our diet. Yet there are all kinds of ways to live and eat communally that don’t involve being in a relationship with someone who no longer respects you. Rebecca Humphreys moved in with good friends who rallied around him and offered nourishment in every way.
learned from my polygamous friend We should not assume that the duration of a relationship is a measure of its value. Perhaps it is time that this thinking filtered through our broader conversations about relationships.
Rosie Wilby is a comedian and writer breakup monologues (Bloomsbury)