Jungle viewers get full outline of Farage’s Windsor Framework

Caution: this sketch is not for the faint-hearted.

For last night, the I’m A Celebrity camp was down to its last four contestants. And as regular viewers will know, this means a task titled Celebrity Cyclone, an aquatic nightmare that’s a sort of a 21st-century It’s A Knockout but with less problematic presenters and half the annual budget of ITV News.

It sees the contestants dressed in superhero-style capes and tight spandex shorts. And – there’s no way of sugar-coating this – viewers were given the full, graphic outline of what we’ll euphemistically dub Nigel Farage’s Windsor Framework.

“It looks like you’ve just walked in on your dad wearing your mum’s underwear,” noted TV presenter and millennial Wurzel Josie Gibson. “Luckily, I don’t care,” said Farage.

Later the remaining contestants, Farage, Gibson, boxer Tony Bellew and gurning Made In Chelsea irritant Sam Thompson – performed another task where they had to line-up on attributes as voted for by the general public. The first was ‘best hugger’. “I’m not a big hugger,” said Farage, who had proved that the previous day by reacting to the surprise appearance of his daughter in the camp with all the emotion of somebody discovering there’s a sale on at DFS. “Cold-hearted Nigel,” noted Gibson.

Farage did light up, later, however, as Bellew wondered who was the most successful king ever. “I think Henry VIII,” said Farage. “He set England on the course to greatness. I also approve of Henry VIII’s lifestyle – women, alcohol, hunting, huge banquets. Sounds right, doesn’t it?”

“Didn’t he chop his wife’s head off?,” said Gibson. “A couple of them, yeah,” said Farage, returning to his buffalo ribs.

It seemed a fitting end as, shortly afterwards, Gibson was voted out, leaving a series which began with its sole black female contestant being first voted off end with a finale of three white men.